We've all heard that quote by Emily Dickinson about hope being the thing with *feathers*. Well, by the time I went to bed last night, I felt like I had feathers--as in, I could fly because I was full of hope!
The past couple of months have not been the easiest for me. There have been things happening in my life--in my family's life--that have been hurtful and difficult to process. Things to process about people that we once trusted and admired who turned out to betray us and lack integrity of character. I haven't felt very hopeful some days. Most days were better, but some days have been (are) a struggle. I know deep in my heart that God has NEVER failed me and never will. I know deep in my heart that He hears my prayers and is always there, never abandoning me.
Sometimes though I just need that extra reassurance.
The first night of our family vacation when both mine and my husband's phones fell in the pool was one of those times. When I mentioned melting down in my post here, I wasn't kidding. I was really upset. It wasn't just about the phones. It was about feeling like "can just one more thing happen to us?!?" "Is God still watching out for us?" I'm sure that sounds pretty melodramatic, but the feeling of abandonment was so strong that night. For a few minutes I felt like my faith hung in the balance. And not over the fate of a couple of cell phones, but whether or not God would hear my prayer.
So when my hubby's cell phone suddenly revived, it was such a ray of light! It really was a miracle! Even though I was disappointed that my phone hadn't come around, my hope was still sparking because at least half of my prayer had been answered. It seemed so critical to me--and it was.
Since the death of my phone, I'd moved on and simply transferred my number back to my old phone that I still had at home. I really hadn't thought a whole lot more about it, just being grateful to have a phone again.
Apparently my husband hadn't forgotten though. Last night he walked into our bedroom (I wasn't in there at the time) and happened to see my old, drowned phone lying there. He thought, to God, "God, why did you revive my phone and not Lora's, too?" Then a second quiet thought came to him, a small still voice that said "plug it in." So he did. And you know what happened? IT CAME ON! And started charging! Now, for those of you who have had experience with cell phones, you know that when one falls under water for a good 15-20 seconds, it's sudden death. There's no coming back. No reviving.
Kind of like when something tries to smother our hope. It's like a death in our soul.
Then suddenly when all hope seems gone, God makes Himself known in a fresh new way, when you're totally not even expecting it. That's just like Him, isn't it? Unpredictably meeting us just when we need it and giving us that gentle reassurance that He cares and loves us--more than we could ever know. Something as simple as reviving a once-dead cell phone becomes a symbol of our faith getting a fresh breath, a new wind of strength.
I'll leave you with the lyrics to a song by Sara Groves. I was listening to it yesterday in the car while running errands alone. I've heard it many times, but it jumped out at me again yesterday.
It Might Be Hope
The past couple of months have not been the easiest for me. There have been things happening in my life--in my family's life--that have been hurtful and difficult to process. Things to process about people that we once trusted and admired who turned out to betray us and lack integrity of character. I haven't felt very hopeful some days. Most days were better, but some days have been (are) a struggle. I know deep in my heart that God has NEVER failed me and never will. I know deep in my heart that He hears my prayers and is always there, never abandoning me.
Sometimes though I just need that extra reassurance.
The first night of our family vacation when both mine and my husband's phones fell in the pool was one of those times. When I mentioned melting down in my post here, I wasn't kidding. I was really upset. It wasn't just about the phones. It was about feeling like "can just one more thing happen to us?!?" "Is God still watching out for us?" I'm sure that sounds pretty melodramatic, but the feeling of abandonment was so strong that night. For a few minutes I felt like my faith hung in the balance. And not over the fate of a couple of cell phones, but whether or not God would hear my prayer.
So when my hubby's cell phone suddenly revived, it was such a ray of light! It really was a miracle! Even though I was disappointed that my phone hadn't come around, my hope was still sparking because at least half of my prayer had been answered. It seemed so critical to me--and it was.
Since the death of my phone, I'd moved on and simply transferred my number back to my old phone that I still had at home. I really hadn't thought a whole lot more about it, just being grateful to have a phone again.
Apparently my husband hadn't forgotten though. Last night he walked into our bedroom (I wasn't in there at the time) and happened to see my old, drowned phone lying there. He thought, to God, "God, why did you revive my phone and not Lora's, too?" Then a second quiet thought came to him, a small still voice that said "plug it in." So he did. And you know what happened? IT CAME ON! And started charging! Now, for those of you who have had experience with cell phones, you know that when one falls under water for a good 15-20 seconds, it's sudden death. There's no coming back. No reviving.
Kind of like when something tries to smother our hope. It's like a death in our soul.
Then suddenly when all hope seems gone, God makes Himself known in a fresh new way, when you're totally not even expecting it. That's just like Him, isn't it? Unpredictably meeting us just when we need it and giving us that gentle reassurance that He cares and loves us--more than we could ever know. Something as simple as reviving a once-dead cell phone becomes a symbol of our faith getting a fresh breath, a new wind of strength.
I'll leave you with the lyrics to a song by Sara Groves. I was listening to it yesterday in the car while running errands alone. I've heard it many times, but it jumped out at me again yesterday.
It Might Be Hope
by Sara Groves
You do your work the best that you can
You put one foot in front of the other
Life comes in waves and makes it's demands
You hold on as well as you're able
You've been here for a long long time
Hope has a way of turning it's face to you
Just when you least expect it
You walk in a room
You look out a window
And something there leaves you breathless
You say to yourself
It's been a while since I felt this
But it feels like it might be hope
It's hard to recall what blew out the flame
It's been dark since you can remember
You talk it all through to find it a name
As days go on by without number
You've been here for a long long time
Hope has a way of turning it's face to you
Just when you least expect it
You walk in a room
You look out a window
And something there leaves you breathless
You say to yourself
It's been a while since I felt this
But it feels like it might be hope.
Comments
As women, sometimes we hold those feelings in and there is that moment when it all breaks through and we have that "melt down." I remember my most significant one coming after a very difficult summer of separation from my husband (he was in military classes) and being in Arkansas with three small children with my family. When the housing office in NJ told us something different than we expected about our waiting time, I just lost it. Right there in the office I broke down sobbing. I couldn't do anything about it. Within five minutes the head of housing had us in her office and was giving us the one house that was available. It was supposed to go to someone who was just switching houses, so we didn't take it from anyone.
I also love to see how God is faithful in all circumstances. Sometimes it has taken us years to look back and see why we've been places. It has given us hope when there wasn't much there. Many times in Virginia we felt like we were floundering and God had forgotten us. We never felt like we could find our purpose in that move. We had suspicions, but we knew that until we left there we would probably not know for sure. We just had to live with the knowledge that move was made with God's hand in it, and we had hope for the future.
I'm sorry that you've been hurt by people that you trusted and respected. I'm so glad that God was always there beside you. And I'm so tickled that your husband plugged your cell phone in last night and it worked. Sometimes it just takes us waiting for God to say, "Yes."
Loved your post. Thanks for being so transparent.
~ Kayren
~Reese
Thank you. You'll never know how much I needed to hear that tonight.
I only know a portion of what you've been going through, but I know it's not fun. I pray your faith is strengthened and your hope is renewed!
Love you!
Nanc
Love ya, Sis!
I know just how difficult this season has been for you. I may not know directly, but I cannot imagine how this affects you. You are a very strong woman, and I admire how you have handled this situation. Your advice has been well received and never been given out of bitterness. I love you and am here for you anytime.
Song Lee